We still haven’t closed on my grandmother’s house, which is super frustrating. I’m praying that we will be able to finalize everything this week or next. We have some very important things coming up that we need the money for, Savannah’s b-day for example. It seems like every time the title company tells us that we just need “one more thing”, they think of another “one more thing” to need. I’m beginning to wonder if they really know what they are doing here.

I guess I will close for now. I need to get the little mister in the bed, which he is super excited about (insert sarcasm). He just finished eating a cookie that he helped me make tonight, so it’s a good time to call it a night. Love and blessings!

We found out in March that we are expecting another baby. I had a sonogram this week and I’m due Nov 9th. It’s too early to determine the gender. I would like another boy to even things out, but a girl would be fun for me too. Having another girl, does however elevate my stress level a wee bit considering the drama that typically comes along with them. But we will gladly take whomever God has placed in my womb and love and nurture them all the days of their life.

Josh & I made the decision earlier this year that it was time to be closer to the girls. Ashlyn made cheer captain for next school year, so there’s going to be lots of ballgames for her to attend. This was going to put a kink in the visitation schedule, since as captain, she isn’t allowed to miss very many games. And we didn’t want her to. Josh was praying one day about Ashlyn coming of age to be able to choose who she wanted to live with, and he felt like God spoke to his heart that she shouldn’t have to make that decision. So he came home & talked with me about it, and I agreed that we should move to Heber Springs. We started the process to sell our house & find something in Heber to rent or own. The house we wanted to buy didn’t work out, so we are renting for the time being. Our house in Texarkana didn’t sell like we had hoped, but we were able to work out a rent to own situation, which is fine. We absolutely love it up here. There is a much more relaxed atmosphere, and the people are so much nicer.

The day we moved to Heber, my mom passed away. We hadn’t even made it to Little Rock yet when I got the call. We spent a couple of days at the new house before we had to make the long drive to Waco for the memorial service. Some of my family members, none that counted, did not seem pleased to see me. They acted the same way when I attended my grandmother’s funeral last year as well. Luckily, I did have some family that don’t care about the past and were very good to me. I’m not sure I have really grieved about losing her, since in my mind I lost her a long time ago. We were never really close, so the day my grandmother moved her from Texarkana to Waco is the day I lost my mom. I’m very happy that she’s no longer suffering. We were scheduled to close on my grandmother’s house the day after mom passed away, so her death through all that out of whack. I don’t understand why the title company is giving us such a hard time about this, but we still have not closed and gotten the settlement out of that house. We are approaching the one year mark next month. I’m praying that this gets resolved very soon, as I could really use that money right now.

Things are getting better every day. We have faced some struggles here, but my faith in God is stronger than ever before. Not to say that I don’t have bad days, but I see God’s hand at work and I am learning to trust Him more. Josh & I have joined a great church and are looking forward to getting more involved. This church is really devoted to the community here and has many service projects and outreaches to touch the lives of the people. They don’t just talk about reaching out, they really do it. I’m loving it!

I guess that’s about all for now. Wonder how soon before I update again? Maybe this time it won’t take me almost 6 months to do it! Life is fun!

I am looking forward to the holidays, but at the same time, I still am not ready. It will most likely be a rushed, last minute shopping adventure. At least this year, I really don’t have a list of items that I MUST find. I will just take what money I have and make the most of it. Josh & I have our 2nd anniversary coming up in January as well. He asked me how I would like to celebrate it, but I don’t have any particular plans. I guess dinner and maybe get each other something we wanted but didn’t get for Christmas. It’s starting to look like we may not get to go to my parents this weekend to have our Christmas get-together. Josh has been coughing for a couple of days, and Jacob coughed some this morning. I’m praying that they are not sick, since we did not get to spend Thanksgiving with my family. I still don’t want to take any chances with Dad’s health. We’ll just have to play it by ear. I’m going to get things ready for us to go, and we’ll decide for sure Saturday morning. Dad hasn’t seen Jacob since Easter, and he’s grown quite a bit since then. I’d really like for Dad to get to play with Jacob some.

We’re getting the girls this weekend, so we’ll have some more fun with them. We’ll get them again the week after Christmas. I don’t know what all our plans will be for all of the holidays. We won’t have any office parties to attend, since neither of us works in an office. I guess we’ll have to have our own. I’m sure there will be some time spent at Josh’s parents, and maybe we’ll go over to my former stepmom’s for their Christmas.

At any rate, I’m sure we will make the best out of our celebrations. It will be a good Christmas no matter what! I’m especially looking forward to ringing in a new year. I’m very tired of this year & ready for it to be over. But until Jan 1st, I will make the most of each day. Every day is a new day and 365 new days create a new year! I will not dwell on the troubles of yesterday, but will rejoice in the renewed mercies for today and tomorrow!

I’m so not ready for Christmas. I do this every year, too. It’s not as if I haven’t had an entire year to prepare, but yet it seems to sneak up on me every time. How can this be? Christmas Day doesn’t change each year like Easter does. It’s ALWAYS on December 25th. Every year I say I’m going to be ready the next year, and every year I’m caught off guard. Oh well, maybe next year. Josh quit his job at CSR the week of Thanksgiving, so we’re stepping out in faith. I have lots of writing jobs to do, so we’re not without potential income, it’s just a matter of being able to get it done. He’s also got jobs lined up to work with our pastor who is a Master Electrician. We are praying that lots of jobs will come in so that David (our pastor) can bring Josh on & he can begin an apprenticeship. I am also praying that our church will be able to start paying me a little something each month as worship leader. David had mentioned that he was going to submit it to the board, but we haven’t heard anything else about it. It wouldn’t be much at first, but any extra would certainly help us. There is a lady at church that gives me a love offering every few weeks, and I am so grateful for that. It always seems to come when we need it most. We are also praying for the sale of our truck, which would enable us to catch up on our bills and buy Christmas presents. We need the truck to sell very soon. This week would be nice.

Jacob is growing like a weed, and amazing us every day with something new. He is so much fun. He loves playing and is very smart. He is beginning to pay closer attention to things going on around him and mimicking people. The other day I was watching a YouTube video of a worship song. Jacob loves to sit in your lap and watch the videos too, so as soon as he heard music coming from the computer he stopped what he was doing and came over to me. He was watching the people in the video lifting their hands in worship and he starting grinning from ear to ear and raised his hands! It was the sweetest thing! I just couldn’t stop crying. The following Sunday Josh was holding him during worship at church, and  Jacob was doing it again. He even would grab Josh’s hand & pull it up, telling him to worship too. Sometimes I wonder if we’re teaching him properly and instilling in him a love for God, and little things like this let me know that we are. I just love that little guy!

Ashlyn and Savannah are doing good. They love school, and Ashlyn is in band this year. She is learning to play the trumpet and I am very excited for her. I hope that she loves it as much as I did. We are still working out some family dynamics, but I’m sure we will be doing that for many years. Every visit is different, and new things are always coming up. But we are having fun along the way.

That’s about all for now. I think Jacob has woke up from his nap, so he will be hungry. We are heading to the library this afternoon just to get out of the house for a bit. I am so blessed to be able to stay home with him. I thank God for His provisions in our life. We may not have everything we want, but God gives us what we need. He has never failed us, and I trust that He never will. I’m excited to see His plan for our family unfold before us. Blessings to you!

Still no luck getting pregnant. Every month that I’m not pregnant, it’s like losing a baby all over again. It’s very frustrating. I guess I’m just going to stop “trying”, and see what happens. I love my little Jacob, and he fills my life with such joy, but the longing in my heart for another baby is overwhelming at times.

Ok, I have to move on. This has been an awful year. With everything that has already happened, it just keeps getting worse. I recently discovered that my Dad’s mother has cancer. Her chemo started this week, so we’ll see how she responds. Not sure how long she has left, but it’s not very long. I’ve never had so much tragedy and loss in my entire life, much less having it all crammed into one single year! We need a breakthrough in our family! I’m so tired of the enemy stealing from us!

Now, I have to move on to a positive note. I have been officially designated as the worship leader at Living Water Fellowship in Hope, AR. YAY! The thing I’ve desired since I was 14 has finally happened! Now, I’m also having to play the piano while I’m leading, which is a huge stretch for me. But I’m loving it! The pastor is working to get me paid each week for doing it too. When that happens, it will be a big help to our family budget. Of course, any addition of finances is a good thing. We’re also praying for a smooth transition for Josh, as it seems his job will not be able to sustain him much longer. He has a couple of potential avenues to pursue, so we’re asking God for direction, wisdom, and perfect timing. With Christmas right around the corner, we are definitely in need of God’s assistance. Not that we would want to do ANYTHING without Him, but most certainly in this time.

This week Jacob and I attended a local MOPS meeting. I really enjoyed having some adult conversation and meeting new people. Jacob was such a big boy, too. He walked right into his classroom and started playing immediately. He didn’t cry for me at all. He had such a good time that he wore himself out! He fell asleep before we were even out of the parking lot. I look forward to attending more meetings.

Well, I guess that is all for now. Maybe I can remember to update this again soon. We shall see!

My grandmother, Nana, came to Texarkana several years ago and took my mom out of the nursing home she was in here, and moved her to Waco, all because she didn’t think we were visiting Mom enough. Nana didn’t know how often we were visiting. She just came and got her. She put Mom in a nursing home in Waco, and contrary to her wishes, had a feeding tube inserted when Mom could no longer eat on her own. My mother has been kept alive only because of the feeding tube. She has no quality of life, and doesn’t even have any real knowledge of anything happening around her. When my Nana dies, I will probably have to decide what needs to be done in regard to my Mom. I don’t know if I will have to get her moved back to Texarkana, or deal with the feeding tube issue. I never had a great relationship with my Mom throughout my life, which makes these decisions even harder. What is the right thing to do? How much of this is me just not wanting to “deal” with her anymore? Am I being selfish, or honoring my mother’s wishes?

On top of my family drama, my writing career is not taking off like I would like. I have plenty of articles to do, but I’m just not getting as many done as I need to in a day. I need to be able to complete 13 articles a day, and right now I’m doing good to finish half that. I am interrupted constantly, and find it very difficult to get back on track. This, as you might expect, is also affecting our family budget. And it seems that no matter how hard we try, Josh & I just can’t get ahead financially. Just when it seems things are turning around, we get knocked back down. We are in desperate need of a breakthrough!

I know that God will come through in a way that only He can. I still have faith in Him. My mind, however, struggles with the circumstances that I see around me. I know that He must have wonderful things in store for us, or else all these struggles would be in vain. I will just have to hold fast to Him.

First update: A week or two after my post, I lost the baby. I’m not going to recount the details of that day; it’s still too painful. All that needs to be said about it is that my baby is in Heaven, and one day I will be reunited with my sweet tadpole. God is good, and through Josh and Jacob, He has comforted me so much more than I could have ever imagined. Those two, Jacob especially, may not have any idea how much they have been used by God to minister to my heart. I am so thankful. I have prayed much about whether the baby was a boy or girl, but I don’t feel I have an answer yet. I have decided to find a gender neutral name so I can have a little closure. We are also going to plant a tree in memory of the baby, as soon as we get a more permanent home. We are now trying again for another baby. We tried last month, but possibly my body wasn’t yet healed enough, so we weren’t able to conceive. Josh told me the other day that he feels like God spoke to his heart that I will be able to conceive this month. So, we will begin trying again soon.

Next update: In April, I quit my job at the law office to start writing for an attorney in New York. I write blog articles from newspaper clippings that he sends me. I am not writing as quickly as I would like to, but I feel that I will get faster soon. I really need to speed up, as I need to be able to complete about 60-70 articles a week, and right now I doing about 20. And that’s on a good week. I have confidence that God, who made this opportunity possible, has given me and will continue to provide all that I need to make this work. I still have a sitter for Jacob a couple days a week, but will be transitioning to have him home full time, since we will have the girls for 2 weeks at a time through the summer. I’m very excited about this new career and the doors it may open for me. I enjoy doing it, and have faith that I will accomplish my goals in time to help support the family income.

Third update: On May 7th, my brother lost his fight against Huntington’s Disease. Actually, I think it would be more accurate to say he won his fight. He was not healed on this Earth, like we prayed. But he is now living in eternity, and free from this horrible illness. I am so comforted by the fact that he accepted Christ before he passed, and now he is in Heaven with my sweet baby. He might even get to help take care of my tadpole up there (I am almost a little jealous, lol). Josh has two babies in Heaven from his first marriage as well. I am looking forward to seeing all of them again. I have a dear friend that I lost a couple of years ago that I will see one day too.

Fourth, and final (I think) update: Jacob is growing like a weed. He is now 20lbs, and I’m not sure how tall exactly, but he is outgrowing his clothes like crazy. He wears a lot of 12mo outfits, and he’s only 8mo old. Thankfully, I was able to obtain a lot of clothes ranging from 6-9mo all the way up to 24mo. He’s still a happy baby, but has learned how to throw a tantrum. It’s kinda funny at times, but we are trying to discourage this behavior as it won’t be nearly as cute as he gets older. We are dealing with waking up several times through the night again. He has been sick a couple of times recently, and got used to sleeping beside mommy. Now we are trying to get him to stay in his own bed all night. It’s a slow and very frustrating process, but we will make it. He is getting better each night.

Well, I hear the little monkey waking up now, so I guess I should bring this to a close and feed him some breakfast. The auto-timer on this says it’s 12:00pm, but it is actually 7:00am. It is my goal to keep this blog updated better, so pray for me in this endeavor. I have a lot going on and need to better manage my time so everything(one) gets the time and attention it(they) deserve. So, until next time…..

I am hoping for another boy. I separated the clothes that Jacob has already outgrown from his current and future duds. I have lots of stuff for a new baby boy. Some of the things Jacob didn’t wear very much, if at all. We will probably be adding on to the house this summer. We don’t have a definate plan. We did get a new van in January, and I’m very grateful for that. It has made travel with the kids much better.

I will try to keep updated a little better, but I make no promises. Life is a whirlwind around here. You just never know what’s going to happen next! Just like I like it!

God made the way for us to get a mini-van this past weekend. I got it Friday evening. It will make the trips with the kids so much nicer. It is a 2008 Kia Sedona. We got a great deal on it. I told Josh that I feel like a real mommy now that I’m driving a mini-van. LOL.

Jacob is still growing like crazy. He last weighed 15lbs and measured 25 inches long. He is “talking” more and tests the volume of his voice daily. He is a really good baby, and everyone enjoys him immensely. He is having some trouble sleeping lately. He’ll do really well for a few nights, going to bed at a good time & sleeping all night in his cradle. Then, he’ll decide he wants to sleep with Mommy for a few nights. Silly boy!  He has also started throwing little fits when things aren’t going his way. He’s too little to understand discipline, so I’m praying for wisdom to handle it. The girls still love him greatly and often issue their “wisdom and direction” when Josh and I are dealing with him. We have to remind them that we are the parents and they need to mind their own business. It’s sweet that they feel so protective of him, but their interference gets them in trouble.

We are still praying about the house situation. We desperately need more space. I am asking that if it is God’s will for us to stay where we are and remodel, that He change my heart about it. I really don’t want to remodel. It’s such a hassle and mess. But I want God’s perfect will, and financially it may be our best option. We didn’t think we would be able to get a van this soon and He worked that out, so I believe He is working on our behalf regarding the house.

All things work together for the good of those who are called according to His purpose. I’m called, so things are working toward my good! Be blessed!

Jacob is growing and growing. He “talks” more and more everyday, and yesterday he laughed out loud his biggest laugh yet. It was so precious. Josh could hear the laugh from outside when it happened. He’s getting really good at holding his head up, and likes to eat a lot. I tried him on some applesauce this weekend and he just loved it. It’s a little early by the doctors’ standards, but they also tried to discourage me from feeding him cereal this early. If it weren’t for the cereal, I wouldn’t be getting much sleep at night. Jacob was nursing every hour at 4 weeks old. Since I started him on the cereal, he sleeps through the night, sometimes 10-12 hours at a time. He really likes his cereal. Just a few years ago, doctors weren’t opposed to starting babies on cereal and first foods this early. The recommendations seem to change every year. Just like whether to lay a baby on his back or his side to sleep. Who can ever tell what’s good, besides parents, the baby, and the leading of the Holy Spirit? We pray, and we believe that God will let us know if Jacob is too little for something. Doctors are great, but I will trust the Great Physician with my baby boy.  

Josh will pick up Ashlyn and Savannah tomorrow night for Thanksgiving holiday. The girls just love their little brother. Sometimes, they love him a little too much. LOL. They always want to hold him or feed him, and can’t stand it when he cries. He gets very spoiled to being held when they are here. It should be a fun week! Josh will spend Wednesday and Friday at home with all 3 kids. Wednesday I will be working and Friday I am hitting the Black Friday sales. I’m very blessed to have such a great father for my kids. God bless that man!

I guess that’s about all for now. Until next time……