Terrible year

This has been a terrible year for me so far. I had one grandmother (my stepmom’s mom) pass away at the beginning of the year. I lost a baby in March, and my brother in May. Last weekend, my maternal grandmother was in a serious car accident and is dying. She & I haven’t spoken in many years.

My grandmother, Nana, came to Texarkana several years ago and took my mom out of the nursing home she was in here, and moved her to Waco, all because she didn’t think we were visiting Mom enough. Nana didn’t know how often we were visiting. She just came and got her. She put Mom in a nursing home in Waco, and contrary to her wishes, had a feeding tube inserted when Mom could no longer eat on her own. My mother has been kept alive only because of the feeding tube. She has no quality of life, and doesn’t even have any real knowledge of anything happening around her. When my Nana dies, I will probably have to decide what needs to be done in regard to my Mom. I don’t know if I will have to get her moved back to Texarkana, or deal with the feeding tube issue. I never had a great relationship with my Mom throughout my life, which makes these decisions even harder. What is the right thing to do? How much of this is me just not wanting to “deal” with her anymore? Am I being selfish, or honoring my mother’s wishes?

On top of my family drama, my writing career is not taking off like I would like. I have plenty of articles to do, but I’m just not getting as many done as I need to in a day. I need to be able to complete 13 articles a day, and right now I’m doing good to finish half that. I am interrupted constantly, and find it very difficult to get back on track. This, as you might expect, is also affecting our family budget. And it seems that no matter how hard we try, Josh & I just can’t get ahead financially. Just when it seems things are turning around, we get knocked back down. We are in desperate need of a breakthrough!

I know that God will come through in a way that only He can. I still have faith in Him. My mind, however, struggles with the circumstances that I see around me. I know that He must have wonderful things in store for us, or else all these struggles would be in vain. I will just have to hold fast to Him.

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