I have found myself at peace the last couple of days. I love when God does that! There is really something to be said about just laying it all out before Him. I mean, it’s not like anything we tell Him is going to shock Him. He doesn’t sit there, listening intently, and then say, “Wow! Didn’t see that one coming! You’ve really been feeling that way?!” Now of course I’m in no way advocating shaking your fist in His face and beligerantly screaming your frustrations. That’s just plain rude and disrespectful. I am saying that simply sitting at His feet (or curling up in His lap-which is what I prefer) and with humility and honesty telling Him everything, is quite the release. I always feel better afterwards, which makes me wonder why I don’t do it more often. He doesn’t have to solve the problem or even say anything, He just fills me with His peace. As I sit there in His presence, those things that seem insurmountable, don’t have the same effect on me. Perhaps it is my perspective. From His vantage point, they are really small anyway. So it would stand to reason that if I come up to Him, I would have the same line of sight. Wow! What a concept! Coming up to His level, instead of trying to bring Him down to mine. As I said before, I will set my face to the wind, and fly!

What an evening! I didn’t get in bed until late because a friend called upset about a situation she was dealing with. Just before she called I had totally gone postal on the cat because he had been trashing the house the whole time I had been home. I texted a friend asking them to pray because I was shaking I was so angry. It’s a cat for crying out loud! Then I got my other friend’s call, and although I love her and wanted to talk, I was tired, still angry, and because she just changed phones this call was costing me and I’m down to just a little $$ left ’til Friday (I have a prepaid phone). When I got off the phone, it all hit me at once. How miserable I have become. I don’t know how exactly it happened, or if it was just a process of alot of hurts over the years. It’s absolutely no wonder to me that God has not given me a husband and children yet. I would completely destroy their spirits with the attitude I have developed. I thank God that I have the friends that I have, who have seen beyond the surface and loved me regardless of how I acted. It was prophesied over me about a year ago that God would begin giving me a new identity. I think that process is really starting now. Little things have changed since that word, but now the real work begins. I began pouring out to Him (as if He didn’t already know) all the things that were presently making me angry. I voiced some of my feelings that up until that moment wouldn’t allow myself to admit. I spewed it all out. And then just sat there, until His peace surrounded me. Then I got up and went to bed. It felt good to release it all, with no fear of any of it being used against me in the future. I was telling a friend the other night that the season they were stepping into would be a hard one. That word was for me as well. But I can rest in my own advice to my friend that I am not alone in this walk. This is a pivotal time for me. It’s make or break time. And I choose to make it. I don’t know who I will become, but I know that she will be who God intended from the foundations of the earth. So today is a new day. I will set my face to the wind, and fly.

I’m back from a wonderful weekend! I went to Fayetteville and met a lot of great people. It was similar to going to a family reunion and seeing the cousins that you rarely get to see. The only difference is these are the “cousins” that you actually enjoy! LOL! I love going to Fayetteville; our extended church family always makes you feel like you’re home. We got to meet even more extended family as we had a group from Spearfish, SD, a group from Wisconsin, and one gal from Canada. There were some a little closer to home, like a couple of groups from Texas and Arkansas. I didn’t meet anyone this weekend that I wouldn’t totally enjoy spending more time getting to know. Everyone was so warm and friendly. I just had a fabulous time.  A lot of my new friends are also on Facebook, so we will get to keep in touch until our next corporate gathering.  This is very exciting to me. I really felt more at ease with meeting people this weekend which had been my prayer. I don’t meet people easily although I desire to be more outgoing. Once I get to know people, I am more at ease. But I know that God is bringing me out of my shell, and this was one of the steps forward.

On the way home, my friend and I had a great time as well, stopping various places along the way for pictures. A couple of pics I’m especially looking forward to processing are of me in front of the U of A sign and beside a statue at the stadium.  As a huge Razorback fan, I was so excited to get these pics. I would like to attend a Razorback home game this fall.

I’m a college student. Sadly the speech class I wanted was already closed, so I had to register for the computer class that is going to cost $150 for the book. So I am trusting God to provide the $$ for the book before school starts. As things look right now, the class will meet twice before I am able to purchase the book. So I will not look at the situation, I will just trust that there’s a reason that I wasn’t able to take the speech class and let Him provide the way for the computer class.  Easy to say today, I don’t have class for another 13 days.

I’m registering for school today! I’m very excited about this. Of course, check my excitement level once the homework begins; could be drastically different. I’m grateful that I have a friend taking college algebra with me, because this is the class that I most dread. I don’t think speech and comp II will pose much of a problem since I have recently helped a friend through both of these classes. I’ve always been better at language art classes anyway. So at any rate, I am looking forward to furthering my education. Since I was little, I have enjoyed school. In high school I didn’t fully apply myself, but in my defense, I had a lot going on. Looking back, I can definately see the grace of God on me. I didn’t study much, but my home atmosphere made it difficult to do so. Well, enough of that. On with the future!

To date, I have lost about 8 pounds. I have slacked off the exercise plan, but have picked up the deficiency in my eating plan. My diet is going much better than I thought it would. I’m still drinking sodas, but I try to only have one per day. I have found a new favorite vegetable. Yes, I said vegetable. I love baby spinach! I eat it everyday. I make spinach salad, put it on sandwiches, and just eat it as a side dish. Last night I did very good for dinner. I had a piece of fish with lemon pepper, about 1/2 cup of brown rice, and spinach with a little low-fat raspberry vinigarette dressing. It was very good. This morning I had 2 small pieces of turkey sausage. I have been browsing through various books with the latest diet trends, and I am realizing that the very best thing I can do, is watch my portions and make leaner choices. Some of these fad diets have very little if any nutritional value. Sure you lose weight, but at such unhealthy rates, you’re almost guaranteed to gain it back plus extra. Once I lose the weight that I desire to lose, I don’t want it coming back with friends! Therefore, I will keep up with my plan. I can definately benefit from these other diet plans, as some of them have really great recipes, which I will use.

I will be embarking on a great adventure soon. The minimizing of my stuff! I think that since I am looking to move back to Texarkana next year, that it would be a good idea to get rid of a bunch of junk that I keep hauling from one location to the next. Some of this stuff I have not used in years. So why do I insist on keeping it? I have some kitchen stuff that my mom gave me when I moved out over 15 years ago that I have NEVER used. Now of course I’m not talking about antiques or heirlooms, I’m talking about the springform bundt pan in the cabinet. I’m pretty sure that if I haven’t made a bundt cake in the last 15 years, the chances are pretty slim that I will suddenly need one once I sell that pan. And should the need arise, I don’t think they are so expensive that getting a new one would be inconceivable. If they are, I probably don’t need the cake that badly anyway. I’ve also got tons of magazines that need to be recycled, and all kinds of other junk that needs to be anywhere but in my house. So as I am continuing the decreasing of my physique, I will also be decreasing the amount of stuff that I have. This ought to be fun! I am getting tired just thinking about it.

For some reason I’ve been very tired this week. I’m glad it’s almost the weekend. Of course, I’m always glad when the weekend is approaching. I haven’t been as faithful with the exercise this week, but I haven’t quit. I’m still drinking lots of tea & water. I’ve cut my coke consumption down to one per day.

This morning I woke up with my left eye very red. At first I thought it might be pinkeye. I took out my contacts, doctored it, and got ready for work. It seemed to be feeling better & I didn’t have fever (which I got last time I had pinkeye), so I went on to work. By the time I got there, it had cleared up considerably. Now there’s just a little red spot, so I’m thinking maybe it just got really irritated by the contacts overnight. So I will leave them out for a few days & see if that does it.

I weighed this morning and it seems that I have lost 5 pounds! I am very pleased with this progress especially since I did not keep to my plan very well this weekend. I had my niece spend the night Friday, so there was a lot of snacking. We did a lot of walking around at various stores both Friday and Saturday, but I don’t think it would have been enough to counter the calorie intake. I did a lot better yesterday, exercising for my usual 30 minutes and drinking a lot of tea & water. I’m going to try to keep drinking mostly tea & water instead of sodas. I did have a Sprite this morning because my stomach wasn’t feeling very well. But that will be the extent of today’s sodas.

I got to thinking last night that I might get a head start on my speeches for this semester. Since I helped a friend of mine in the spring, I still have all his speeches saved on my computer so I know what types of speeches we’ll do and what the expected format is. I can just be thinking of my own topics, type up my speeches, and when the homework assignment is given, I’m already ahead of the game. This way even if I have some adjustments to be made, it will still save a lot of time. I have about 3 weeks until school starts, so I should be able to finish all of them or at least get a great head start.

I took my test this morning and I passed! No remedial math for me! Wooo Hooo! I really did not want to have to take pre-algebra since it doesn’t count towards anything. I will be able to take College Algebra with one of my friends (perk), and I don’t have to buy the book (another perk). A friend has loaned me his. I will be registering in the next couple of weeks, and I only plan on taking 3 classes; that is about all my brain can handle right now. I was going to take a computer science class, but I was informed that they changed the books this semester so I will have to purchase new ones to the tune of $150! I may put that class off a semester. Which leaves me taking speech; not a bad choice since the person I got the algebra book from just completed the class & I can use his speech book as well. Also I helped him write all of his speeches so I feel like I’ve already taken the class. I also helped him through Comp II which should make this semester go relatively easy for me. So, as it looks right now, I will only have to purchase my books for Comp II, unless they haven’t changed that book recently and I can borrow that one as well. It would be just peachy to be able to borrow all my books for this semester and not have to buy any. Next semester I will start the program at AHEC, so I don’t look for it to be so easy. After this semester I will only have 3 general education courses to take at TC, which can be taken while I am taking the other courses at AHEC. Wheeee! Let the games begin!

I take the Accuplacer test! Needless to say, I am incredibly nervous and hoping that I have prepared enough. Tonight I will complete a couple of practice tests and pray a lot. One of my friends who has already taken the test told me that I’m over-prepared. I don’t believe her. But we shall see tomorrow morning.

Yesterday I was able to get out of bed early enough for a few minutes of exercise & reading my Bible. Today, not so much. But I can definately tell how just a few minutes of trying to start my day with God will affect the rest of your day. I only had about 5 minutes with God, but the enemy was disturbed by even that small amount of time. Which of course makes me want to spend more time with God (although it didn’t happen this am). God wins here, not the enemy. I am determined to live a victorious life. I will not let people’s brokenness affect me any longer. I will not give them that control. God controls me and He rules my world.

New update on the baby kitty….now, this little critter was the most skittish thing I’ve ever seen. Even after feeding it for some time, it would not let me touch it. Well, the other day I went outside to give it a little food, and the little stinker was rubbing all over my legs! I bent down to pet it & it just rubbed my hand purring like crazy. My door was slightly opened so Remington came out to see his little friend & they were rubbing on one another. I brought the two inside and fed them, and the little kitty is just as happy as can be. It (still not sure of gender) follows me through the house, plays with Remington, and jumps up in the recliner with me. It’s like a totally different animal.  I’m sure there are many spiritual applications in this that I will seek God about. I believe He speaks to us in so many ways if we just take the time to listen and open our eyes and hearts. I will be sure to update here what He reveals to me.