I really want some answers now. I just got word that one of my best friends is getting a divorce. Now that makes 4 couples that I know (3 currently members of the church, the other couple are former members) that are splitting. And in every case, the man left his wife for another woman and all the couples have been married for over 10 years. I would really like to know what is going on. What’s the point in vowing “til death do us part” if you don’t really mean it. Something is desparately wrong with this. In my church of just over 30 members, there are 8 couples; of these: 3 couples are divorcing, 2 of the men don’t attend, 1 has had major difficulties and even separated for a year (my pastors), 1 couple has been married almost a year, and the last couple (married for over 10 years) is scared to death. It seems that we are missing something. I would really like to figure it out before I find someone to marry. I don’t want to get 10 years down the road and have to deal with this. It’s not the way God intended.

This seems like the week that never ends. I’m pretty sure that the reason for the week feeling so long is because I’m looking forward to spending tomorrow night & Saturday with my sister. We are going to a Beth Moore simulcast and I’m very excited. We were hardly ever apart in high school, then life happened. We see each other a lot more now than we did before our parents got married, but it’s still not near enough for me. Hopefully when I move back to Texarkana I will be able to spend a lot more time with everyone.

The exercise is going well. I have pedaled every night this week for 30 minutes (ooohhh, 3 whole days!). My appetite is crazy; when I should be satisfied, I’m hungry and when I should be hungry, I can’t eat. I would like if there were more of the not wanting to eat times, but sadly I’m hungry more than I should be. I might need to look into getting an appetite suppressent. We shall see.

I have a project brewing in my head. I have been looking around my house, and while I’m grateful for the furniture I have, nothing matches. Now mind you, I have not bought any furniture for my house, with the exception of some bookcases, which is the reason for the mismatched ensemble. I really don’t want to purchase new stuff, but I would like to create some sort of atmosphere. So as I was looking around last night, I realized that my entertainment center (now white) would look very nice painted a dark color. Some of the other furniture I have could also be painted or stained to match. Then I could just purchase some wall hangings, a slipcover for the recliner, and such to make the house a little more modern. Currently it resembles a grandma’s house due largely to the flowery wallpaper. I probably won’t buy much right now, since I’m looking to move soon.  So I will begin the inventory of my furniture, decide exactly what ambiance I want, and figure a plan of attack. That should be a good start, and keep me busy for a while. I have 6 more months in this house.

Well, I got home last night & got on the bike. I pedaled away for 15 minutes, only 1/2 as long as I had planned. But when I got done I fixed me something to eat for dinner and apparantly wasn’t very hungry because I only ate a few bites. I thought I would get hungry again later but I didn’t. I did get back on the bike about 2 hours later for the remaining 15 minutes. It felt really good. I slept pretty well also. I did not however get up in time to exercise this morning, but I’ll keep trying. I may have to work up to that one. I weighed this morning so I know that I have to lose about 70 pounds, or 3-4 dress sizes. If my appetite follows last night’s trend, exercise & you’re not hungry, then it may not be an extremely long term goal. We shall see.

I got my exercise bike last night! Wooo Hooo! I got home with it late last night so I only cycled for about 5 minutes, but I’m anxious to get home tonight and pedal for about 30 minutes. My goal is to lose at least 20 pounds by Christmas. I’m also going to try an eating plan that a friend of mine was telling me about. It’s called the “6 Day Body Makeover” (I think); anyway, you answer some questions to determine your body type, and based on that it gives you a list of what foods will help you lose weight and which ones actually make you gain weight. I scanned through it and looked at some of the recipes to make sure that they were things I might actually eat. I hate some of these diets that have recipes with ingredients that can’t be found in the average grocery store. I don’t have the time or energy to drive to 15 different stores to find weird herbs and crazy vegetables that are only grown in remote parts of the earth. This plan has recipes with normal ingredients, and my friend said that everything that she has tried was really good and she doesn’t feel deprived or hungry. So I hope to get that book this afternoon and start my life makeover. Let the games begin!

Last night I registered to take a placement test for college so that I can enroll in the classes that I am wanting to take this fall. I only have to take the math part which is good, but I’m still nervous. I’ve been studying to prepare, but the test only has 12 questions, so I can’t make any mistakes. Math is not my strongest subject but I’ve been understanding more than I ever did in high school. I just cringe at the thought of not passing and having to take pre-algebra; I would be paying $$ for a class that doesn’t count for anything. I take the test on 08/08/08, so I have a couple weeks still to study. Life is fun.

I’m really frustrated with a certain aspect of my life & I don’t know what to do about it. Part of me wants to break away and start new, and part of me wants to stay & fight. I don’t know which part is speaking from godly wisdom. Leaving seems like failure, but to stay and fight may be a losing battle. I honestly don’t see any winning in this situation at all. I am in need of some serious direction here. I’m not happy in this place, but happiness is something I must find within myself regardless of where I am. Maybe a sabatical is in order. Not a permanent break, just a separation. I need to find myself. Everything else in my life is great, I should be enjoying them. God I need wisdom!

I have a friend who just lost his wife of 14 years to illness. He posts often about his regrets and “should-haves”. One thing he has said has inspired me, “use the china”. I have the china given to my parents for their wedding packed away neatly for a “special occasion”. In my 35 years, I don’t remember my parents ever using the china. What if a piece gets broken and the set is incomplete? Or what if we go through life and never truly appreciate all that we have, and time slips away? We don’t know how much time we have on this earth, and all the time spent with family and friends is special. So with that said, I’m going to unpack the beautiful china this evening, give it a good wash, and put it in my cabinet to be used. Here’s to you, John.

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

I woke up with my throat feeling a little scratchy this morning. I hope I’m not coming down with something. Other than that, all is well. I don’t have a lot of $$ today, but I have what I need; gas in the car & groceries in the house. I’m in relatively good health, with improvements being made daily. I have a life full of family and friends who truly love me, in spite of me sometimes. I have the greatest job ever and my car is working (even the AC is working-this has been a problem in the past). There are many people in much worse situations than I, and I am immensely grateful. God has been good to me. Ever present and never late, although there have been many times where I questioned His timing. Like I have anything to say to the Creator of all that is about time. Today I am experiencing a contentment that I believe Paul had when he spoke of his knowledge of how to be abase & how to abound. It’s quite a peaceful place; a rest of the soul. There is no reason to fret or worry, no excuse to toil or strive. All is well. It is in His hands, and He never drops the ball. I love my Father.

Well it’s been a few hours since my last post, and so far everything seems to be quiet. But sure as I say that, someone will call me with more drama. We shall see.

The weekend was great! I had a great day Saturday with my sister, mom, & a friend. Saturday night we had a special service at church and some of my friends spent the night with me so they wouldn’t have to drive back to Texarkana, only to return to church on Sunday morning. We had fun. It was close quarters, though, with 6 people in my little bitty house. But we made it work. Sunday morning was good too. I was really looking forward to a nap, but sadly that didn’t happen. I had more company Sunday afternoon & tried to lay down about 4pm, but no nap. So I just piddled around the house until bedtime. 

In previous posts, I mentioned the desire to lose weight through exercise and watching my eating. Well, that hasn’t been going well, which would be evident in the lack of posting on this topic recently. That is about to change. I was talking to a friend at church this weekend about needing an exercise bike. She told me that she has one that she’ll sell me. She said that she only paid $40 for it. I know that she is in a hard place financially so this will benefit both of us! I’m very excited about getting the bike and making a move towards physical improvement. I’m still trying to watch what I eat, but I think incorporating activity that I can actually do will be easier than trying to diet right now. I’ll just stick to the minor adjustments to eating and then make major changes later. I think portion control will be the easiest thing to stick with right now.

….maybe I should have stayed there. I had a great weekend! But it is only 9:11am on Monday and all hell is breaking loose!  I was called a little before 8am by a friend who had just been hit by an 18 wheeler. She says she’s fine & her car is driveable, but who knows?  Then a few minutes ago I found out another friend is possibly in trouble at her work regarding a door being unlocked. Not sure about that yet. I’m feeling like there is an assualt being launched today. Called my family to check on them, and so far everything is ok.  Will post again later with more details.

Once again, I’m so ready for the weekend. Not that this has been a bad week or anything, but I’m just looking forward to spending tomorrow with my sister & mom. I am very excited about spending time with them for our “girls day”. I also have something at church this weekend that I’m looking forward to.

Last night I went to see one of my sisters & her kids. I always have a great time when I’m with family, at least that’s been the case for the last couple of years. Prior to that, it depended upon which part of the family I was with as to whether or not it was enjoyable. I told the kids that I have plans to move back to Texarkana when my lease expires.  This of course made them very happy. I also showed my niece my new purse. She went nuts! It’s a Coach purse, which is supposed to be a big deal. I have never been one to care about the name brand on clothing or accessories (I can be a bit picky with certain groceries). I got the purse because I knew that it was a great deal for a leather purse regardless of the name sewn onto it. It’s kind of a patchwork style, so it goes with everything. She informed me that I must take her to get one of these purses. There you have it. The princess has spoken.